Has Saying Yes to Myself Become Uncomfortable?

There are a few things we hear again and again from women who are considering coming to Camp Joy.

I could never spend that kind of money on myself.

I can’t leave everyone for almost a week....there's just too much going on

Who would take care of everything?

Maybe one day.

I understand every one of those thoughts because I’ve had them too. For much of my adult life, I’ve been a caregiver. I’m a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend. My son, Josh, has Down syndrome, autism and epilepsy and requires significant support. I have also been a homeopathic practitioner since 2013, and many of the families I've worked with are raising children with special needs. Caring for others has been at the heart of both my personal and professional life, and I love that work. But there was a time, when constantly being there for everyone else while rarely making space for myself took a toll. Eventually, I burned out.

I love my family deeply. Caring for the people I love isn’t something I resent. But somewhere along the way, I began to believe that being a good caregiver meant putting myself last.

And for a very long time, I did. When “I can’t” becomes automatic

Years ago, a very wise teacher helped me see something I hadn’t been able to see for myself.

If I never learned how to fill my own cup, eventually I would have nothing left to give.

It sounds simple. I’d probably heard some version of it before. Understanding it intellectually and actually living it are two very different things. Taking time for myself still felt selfish. There was always someone who needed me and something that needed doing. And if I'm honest, sometimes it felt like more work to organize everything than to just keeping the status quo. Saying yes to myself meant someone else would have to step in, plans might need to change, and/or I might have to spend money or time on something that benefited only me.

It was much easier to say, I can’t or not the right time'

But eventually I started questioning that answer. Was it really that I couldn’t? Or had I become so accustomed to putting myself last that anything else felt wrong?

That distinction changed a lot for me. This isn’t really about retreats. Of course, I now co-founded a retreat company with my sister, so you might expect me to tell you that the answer is to book a retreat. But this is bigger than Camp Joy.

It might be the trip you keep postponing. The class you want to take. An afternoon when nobody can reach you. Asking someone else to take over for once. Spending money on something that matters only to you.

Sometimes we have very real reasons we can’t do something. So many of us have very real responsibilities and other people depending on us - and taking time out is truly not an option in that moment. But perhaps “I can’t” has simply become our default answer. We’ve spent so many years being responsible, useful and available that choosing ourselves feels uncomfortable. And discomfort can sound remarkably like impossibility.

What Camp Joy taught me, too

When Monique and I created Camp Joy Retreats, we never imagined that a retreat could magically fix anyone’s life.

We still don’t. You go home to the same family, the same career, the same responsibilities and, often times, the same challenges you left behind. What can change is how you return to them.

For four or five days, we slow things down. We eat beautiful food. We laugh - a lot. Sometimes we cry. We have conversations that rarely happen in everyday life. We rest. We explore. We spend time with remarkable women.

And through our Inner Joy program, we begin noticing some of the patterns and assumptions that quietly shape how we live. We have the space to let go of the things that no longer serve us and maybe even step into a new vision for how (and who) we want to be when we go home .

We can’t control everything life throws at us, but we can become more intentional about how we choose to meet it.

For me, that has included learning that caring for myself and caring for the people I love are not opposing choices.

One actually makes the other more possible.

We totally understand that sometimes, you truly can’t. There are seasons when that is the reality. But perhaps there’s another question worth asking:

Is it that I can’t or has saying yes to myself simply become uncomfortable?

You don’t have to do anything with the answer, just notice it. Sometimes a very small shift begins with questioning something we’ve been telling ourselves for years. And maybe, every once in a while, “Maybe one day” gets to become “Why not now?”

With love,

Marea

Co-Founder, Camp Joy Retreats